What do you do of a someone who loves to write but has something called as spondylitis? hmm..That actually isn't the topic of today's post really..So we can talk science later.
Today I realised..I opened this page and called it a diary for a reason. I just wished to check how much I can really talk. To what extent can I reveal me. And, I do not wish to fail this webpage, I don't wish to fail myself either.. So today I will talk about something more about my past few days.
Well, I had dedicated a post to mission arranged marriage some days back. Now.. now.. I don't wish to discuss the whys of the situation anymore. 'Why yaar, I mean you aren't so old?" Arranged Marriage!!!! But to all of that, I will say it isn't as bad as anthrax..though it starts with a letter A.
Coming to the point, I have met a couple of guys..Yep, I am not going to give out the exact numerical details..Not because I have too many or too less attempts here., but because I don't understand numbers. I have realised that I have taken a reactive approach to the whole thing. I have met people who wanted to meet me..I haven't budged a step to initiate anything as of now. When I say I haven't budged one bit, I really haven't.. to an extent that I would have said a yes to all the guys I have met..:) Knowing too well that this 1 is not the 1. Why? Not because I have taken any self-destruction route like Roark's girl. Just, that I am plain confused about the one question elders have asked me maddening times..What are your expectations beta? I don't wish to figure that out as if it is some frustrating science question with a chemical formula in it.
Luckily, the guys, situation and the latest hit -kundali have saved my soul and we have come to a no every time. Here, I am not saying the guys were bad. But it's really funny how human heart functions. It's easy to like a person.. but love is just too natural an emotion. You can't learn to love. You just love or you simply don't. If you are wondering why am I mixing the two unrelated fundas like arranged marriage and love here..I don't know what people did when they went for, or life pushed or pulled them to an arranged marriage scenario. I don't see myself taking a flowchart route to matrimonial.
Yes, I have put the white flag up. Yes, I am playing their game on their terms. But I still am.
People(friends,cousins) have said some real interesting stuff to me these past few days-
Arre you think too much Jui..It's just profiles not people as such.. Just cross them from your list yaar..and you will meet the one.
You know what Jui, strong women like us scare guys..You need someone equally pigheaded as you. I mean see, P and me .. our lifestyle needs (whatever that means) are an absolute mismatch...But he is the wall of China when I am at my worst..Hence, our marriage is a decade old now..
Hehehe ;) Awesome man..you anyways didn't date any guys in your days..Now at least, you get to date them officially..
Jui this is just too much of a torment...You write a book on this ..after some years.
I have had a couple of misses now. But, every time I have gone through the same stages..The initial curiosity about the person, the chit-chat session..nice and friendly..and after a no(which never comes from me) a phew feeling. a sense of freedom. Friendly is a deadly word. I cannot love a someone when friendly is there in the picture. I can't.Love is love..
Two people in love can be friends with each other..but vice versa is a confusion..not love.
I don't know.. But there is this crazy connection I feel to that person. Each miss makes me feel its taken me closer to the one.Does not matter if it happens the family way.."beta by this time next year you will be married!" or it happens like all my other things have happened ( I was to come 1st in School and then become a Dr.)
I feel there is someone at the other end of the rope ...That matters the most.. I guess..
There was a time when I said I will walk all the 99 steps towards you.. you walk that one step..to someone. But, later I realised it's not about numbers..
one of the most sensible and equally light-hearted blog i have read recently. U have touched upon a topic that's a tough situation for both... guys and girls!
ReplyDeleteAnd it becomes difficult, when u don't even know a person...or HARDLY know a person (i stress on Hardly coz even 1 year or 5 years may be a time u can hardly know a person).
As far as my little brain can think in this direction, I seriously feel there are 2 strong pillars which support and strengthen a relationship: Expectations & Reciprocity.
If u can't respect and stand up to each others expectations, sorry!!!! and if the other person doesn't reciprocate to ur gestures, feelings, expectations....again sorry!!
Anyways I don't mean to write a blog in this Comment section..ha ha ha
Before i click "publish your comment", one point of disagreement in ur blog. You have written: "Two people in love can be friends with each other..but vice versa is a confusion..not love."
If you mean to say (as i take the meaning of vice versa) that 2 people who are friends can't be in love..it would be confusion, not love.....
then I would certainly disagree coz this is something I say not from any text or word-of-mouth, but from my personal experience.
I would elaborate only after I get response from u.
And yeah!! ALL THE BEST TILL THEN!! ;-)
hey 1st of all it's nice to receive a comment on this post..:) i thought i wont receive any. but thanks to u for this one.
ReplyDeletehmm absoultely right when u say sometimes even 5 yrs are not enough to know a person. someone recently told me.. some calls in life you have to take without logic or rationale..here, you dont have to weigh ur options n all..:) God knows..
coming to the point no. 2, about friends can be in love. Here i was talking about me. I know friendship maturing to love is maybe the most beautiful relationship that can be.
But, for me I have a mind block abt it. I want love to be love from its early stages.
Would like to hear ur story..:)if u wish to share it.
thanks again...:)and for once it was a nice change to hear someone speak and comment positively about the situation i am in..:)
Anyways I don't mean to write a blog in this Comment section..;)
friendship maturing into love is infact my side of the story..and its been a friendship of 17 years now!
ReplyDeleteNot much of a story though.. one fine day while chitchatting about life & what the future may hold, she happened to discuss with me how life could be with me & her together... at first i thought she was as usual teasing me & my dumb brain (well guys can be slow in such matters) took a day to come to terms that I was actually proposed!
Well, love is still in nascent stage you can say...but hey it certainly has put me into lot of thinking!
That was my part, now coming to a point in ur reply.. referring to someone telling you: "some calls in life you have to take without logic or rationale"
frankly in this context i don't support such a view because its not something like blindfolding urself and walking on a cliff. Maybe the person who told u this was referring to gut feeling which certainly prevails in everybody, and in varying degrees.
But thought process has to be initiated at each and every stage.. u can't leave everything to destiny!! And this i don't talk in your situation. This holds true in my case too, that day, even today and also tomorrow.
(My! my! almost halfway through a blog here... GBs courtesy Google..he he he)
Dont want to take anything from this discussion...its probably beyond my league.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I think some decisions are better left to our intution than rational thinking. Obviously the intution has to be fueled by one's judgement.
Its like you walk upto a cliff, do you want to take the plunge and hope to float, or you want to retrace your steps. I'd be rather happy to take the plunge.
@ mihir
ReplyDeleteThat is one beautiful story..I must say u are a lucky man..;)Life is going to play its tricks with all of us..but, what is important in relationships is i guess that we don't give up on the other person, us and the relationship..Hope life brings it's most beautiful gifts to u both..:)
But here mihir i totally agree with shubhank..
some decisions are better left to our intution than rational thinking. rational thinking can still not foresee trouble.. & for me it is impossible to silence my intution n instinct..
for good or for worst i will go with my intution i guess..
Brilliant! I like discussions which basically dont end with a visible inference...cause that itself says a lot aobut the discussion. I could not resist butting in because this is one of the most interesting areas for me :)
ReplyDeleteDecisions related to love are never made or can never be made with a rational mind. Yes, I am very sure about what I am saying. What rationality are we talking about? That i should fall in love with this gal cause she has a million dollar bank account or that she is the best looking in the class or office. Please, if its that way, it isn't love at all. It is just that you are sitting empty so you need to fall in love. You ask someone who is in love as to why he/she likes this particular person and you would realize that even thoug h he is trying to be rational, he is failing terribly at it. You will get answers like, 'I like the way she talks!'...I mean what kind ofa rational answer is that? or they would say, 'Our interests are common'. Hah...go to orkut you would find thousands of communities built on interests which you have...so whats the big deal?
No matter how hard you try, you would never be able to come up with a rationale of loving a particular person...And let me tell you the greatest love stories have been of people who just did not rely on a rationale to fall in love...
Jui, your post tells me the situation of hundreds of other gals...and maybe 90 of them would end up making a rational decision based on Mathematics, Physics and economics...but let me tell you something, its that special decision you make which makes you special, otherwise I would anyways congratulate you for makig a 'Girl next door' decision; just like millions do!
All the Best!!:)