Tuesday, February 26, 2008

My window seat

I had gone to Goa last week.. as I am writing this I just happen to take a break and converse with my colleague next door.I tell him 'It's so simple to live life simply, isn't it?' And, I like the thought here.. and I am glad the sentence chose me :)

Coming back to the Goa thing I planned to dedicate this post to..I had flown to Goa. Now the fact is that the kid in me is alive enough to desire the window seat in car or train. But, I have seen people say that they don't care to look out of the window. I mean come on..How can you care after traveling on a plane thrice a week..

How can you not care?I mean I have never flown so often..But, if I am to consider the number of times I have travelled in a car or a train..nothing has changed. I like my window seat very much..I think I will like to gape at the world outside the window from a plane too all my life.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Love Story

14th Feb. This post is about yesterday. I was too bored to login yesterday. So it happens today. Do I believe in days like this..?V day, Brown day, Black day, Madman’s day:).. I think I would like to invent a day every day and find a reason to wake up with something special on my day’s agenda.

It’s a damn old debate. I don’t care if we call it valentine’s day or dagdoo’s day. If it manages to make me feel happy so it be. There have been days that were not any V days and yet I was happy and in love with life . There were days when it wasn’t any V day and I still felt absolutely lonely.

Yesterday I saw some bit of the film Love Story, based on Eric Segal’s work Love Story. I like that book a lot.

What can you say about a twenty-five-year-old girl who died?That she was beautiful. And brilliant. That she loved Mozart and Bach. And theBeatles. And me.

You are a good Christian girl? I am good and I am a girl. That makes it 2 out of 3. I can’t imagine there is a world beautiful than this one with Mozart and Bach here.
( I am taking this line from the film, can’t recall the exact line for this one in the book.)

I like the book for these lines( 1st one is the best) and some other ones. I like the book. So yesterday I pampered myself with 20 minutes of Love Story, the film. I think I like the book the best. I liked the way the film opens with the same lines as the book What can you say about a twenty-five-year-old girl who died? The actor has done a good job with the lines. I was worried the film would have messed the lines.

My V day began with trying to win a Taxi driver’s heart, so that he could take me to the conference I was supposed to be attending. At least 15 cab guys broke my heart and goodness of a good friend finally took me to the place. Mumbai has become its hot and humid self again.

The conference was organized in a ballroom of some ITC Grand Central. It is one of my crazy dreams. I want to go ballroom dancing once in my lifetime. Under the chandelier, I want to feel like the most beautiful woman in the whole world. :) and yes this time around I want to keep my eyes open and dance…I feel very beautiful in a rich Saree too. I have experienced that. I will see to it that my dream is realized some day. Maybe when I fall in love some day..

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

I dance away

I close my eyes and dance. I dance away. Happiness is like some drug. It gives me a kick. I am not scared anymore. I was a person who refused to be in the moment first. I was an outsider in the moment of joy. It will soon pass.. Now I don’t care. I close my eyes and dance. I am free. I am boundless.

There isn’t any reason for the happy feeling. There shouldn’t be any reason. Happiness doesn’t need any justification. Freedom. I set myself free. There are these moments when I am absolutely free.

Free to close my eyes and dance. Free to cry. Free to be in the moment completely. I am not like this all the time. It’s only sometimes. The sun becomes me and I rise.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

You need to grow up now

One friend months back said alice come out of the wonderland. I listened to her. But how does the wonderland come out of alice... You need to grow up now…they say. I don’t know what that means. World doesn’t function at your will they say. But what has the world got to do with me? You need to grow up now…they say.

I was a bad student always. Basically because I was deaf to the words of wisdom. Math is not all that tough a subject they said. You need to try harder. But why do I have to try ?

Lesson not learned. There always is a line and you are not to trespass. But I always happen to fold my fingers around the sharp barbed wire.It only happened once in some Superman movie that the world revolved the other way round.

Once long time back I had gone to Colaba market alone. I like my company the best..the reason being I can wander, there is no obligation as such to keep myself company. Well, there I had some across a silver rose finger ring at a roadside stall. I had fallen in love with the silver rose and had wanted to own it instantly. But people have told me time and again you are too impulsive and end up touching the cactus looking at the flower it wears.

With a lot of effort I walked away from the ring that day. Next day I went all the way back to the stall for that ring.. I hardly wear it, scared I might lose it. I wear it for a moment and admire it and back it goes to the wooden box.

One step at a time Jui . One step at a time. I have multiple bruises on my knees, I never realized the logic. I would always be in a hurry to reach .. always missed steps. But I never learned the one step logic. It was only recently, I was looking somewhere else , chatting away and missed the steps. It took me some minutes to get up on my feet and some days for my knee to come back to its normal size. You need to grow up now…they say.

Monday, February 11, 2008

I sprint.

A bird is not supposed to crawl like a caterpillar. Wings. Wings are more than a body part here. Wings are the wildness of his mind. Wings are the freedom that runs in his blood. Wings remain. You cannot cut them off by just chopping them or just folding them. There is this moment. The skies call him. A glance towards the strip of the starlit black sea and the wings in him proclaim his free spirit.

Maybe he never touches the pole star again. But he still flies over the ocean. His mind. You cannot cage his heart in his ribcage.

I try so hard. I try not to be me. The voice in my head is the only sound that is able to command me. The moment I feel they are trying to hold me back.. I become like the young filly. The loop around my neck makes me want to sprint. I sprint. The craziness becomes me.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

clueless

Can you actually be so clueless? It feels as if I am some weightless speck floating on the wind. I am going somewhere. I don’t know where. I don’t care to know where. Life is fun this way too. Let the course of life decide what the course of life should be.

When you do not know, do not wish to know where you want to be I guess its better to just be. Once a person had told me you are sometimes in that state of shunya. Jui you don’t desire. I had smiled. Its just so funny the whole attachment and detachment to a particular idea, person..anything. I have seen myself getting attached and seen myself detach much easily too. Let go..as they say. Like the sand grains..

Its not a sacrifice.. its just a simple detachment. Yes simple it is.
I haven’t given up on anything lately.. Just that I haven’t desired for something crazily in a long time.