You think with your heart

Here, we have a colleague who is a face reader too, apart from being a manager. And, he is pretty good at it seems..He told me that the major problem with me is that in every personal, professional..smallest of the things, I think with my heart!! This came as no shocker for me. He said that life keeps dumping me because I put my heart in everything I do.. That has to change. I looked at him blankly.. I know I am a hopeless case at that. I know I cant do much about my heart intruding in everything I do.. Oversensitive, I bear the tag. He said ‘the guy’ and marriage will change me..and I will be in a position to reprimand my heart then.. God knows..

I usually come across as a person with an iron mask. But, that’s what it is. Just a mask. Underneath that mask I am very much vulnerable. People don’t get to see that part of me easily. But I can see me clearly.

I have always been emotionally cripple. I remember when I was maybe 6, we had one chapter in English textbook. It was about a doe and her fawn. And, some hunter captures her and the fawn looks for her.. Now, everytime I had to read and revise this chapter I would get stuck at the part where the doe gets captured and try to convince Aai that I don’t need to read any further. Aai finally used to make me read it. This is just one instance.. I was weird about a lot of similar things..

If fate doesn't make you laugh..

Some fellow blogger had taken these lines I guess from the book Shantaram.. I love these lines a lot and had mailed them across to a couple or to be honest a dozen of friends..After every some while I feel like looking for this mail and reading it. Finally I have decided to put it up here.. to make it easier for me to locate this one..

What would you do if you meet someone who talks/opines/muses like...

"The world and I are not on the speaking terms. The world tries to win me back, but it doesn't work. I guess I'm just not the forgiving type."

"It's my favourite place in the whole world, to be treated like dirt."

"You said it's important to have freedom to say no, but I think it's more important to have freedom to say yes."

"The truth is a bully we all pretend to like."

"He is the kind of man who wears his sleeve on his heart."

"I could never respect a man who didn't have the good sense to be at least a little afraid of me."

"Sometimes you have to surrender before you win."

"Wisdom is just cleverness, with all the guts kicked out of it."

"I'd only give you advice if I didn't care what happens to you."

"If fate doesn't make you laugh, then you just don't get the joke."

"I take everything personally- that's what being a person is all about."

"They look like monuments of something that died. Something very unpopular.. like... human spirit, for example."

"Sometimes I think that's what heaven is- a place where everybody's happy because nobody loves anybody else, ever."

"Happiness is a myth, it was invented to make us buy things."

"People always hurt us with their trust. The surest way to hurt someone you like, is to put all your trust in him."

"I don't know what frightens me more,the power that crushes us or our endless ability to endure it."

"Mistakes are like bad loves, the more you learn from them, the more you wish they'd never happened."

"It isn't a secret, unless keeping it hurts."

"Men reveal what they think when they look away, and what they feel when they hesitate. With women, it's the other way round."

"Depression only happens to people who don't know how to be sad."

"Luck is what happens to you when fate gets tired of waiting"

I would instantly fall in love with the guy..:)

I saw tare zamin par yesterday

I am not going to review it right now..Maybe after a couple of days.. The film has left an impact on me..The kid in the film is very similar to the kid I was and the kid I still am sometimes...I don't know how I can talk about the film keeping me out of it..I don't think I will try to talk about the film film..I will just talk about it..later

I love these lines from one song from tare zamin par-

tu dhoop hain
jham se bikhar
tu hai nadee
o bekhabar
beh chal kahin
ud chal kahin
dil khush jahan
teri toh manzil hai wahin

It makes me want to break free ..

Daddy’s day out

I mean all the IMS( the place where I work) daddies were out to work today.. just that along with their backpacks they were to get their kids to office. The studs at finance, systems, HR and admin guys looked very cute with their respective juniors. I mean it was really so cute to see the smaller version of J, the systems guy.. J the jr. Then we had that other jr. who went on singing sholkas and finally decided to make us all respect her small self. She sang the national anthem and had us all standing for her.. I will never forget the joy in her eyes.. Joy mustn’t have looked any better anywhere else.

Then we had one smaller version of the HR veteran who was busy munching wafers and managing to mumble few lines for us .. He is mere 1 year, 10 days old to be exact..

..to be continued..

I am back on this post after a while, and my mind has wandered away from the xmas day party. To sum it all it was a nice change to have kids running all over the corporate office..After leaving the post unfinished, I traveled back home. I still am wasting office tissues on my cold. My taste buds! I was reminded of the Bhel wala near my house..I have pleasing memories of this place.. When we were in school and were forced to sit through the gruelling sessions, the tutor used to take some time off, we used to come to this bhelwala and realise that India was still a free nation and it was quite possible to eat bhel here..

Shool friendships are special. They are for real. So are my other friendhips actually.. But these ones are from the begining of you to the end of you. Varya and me used to spend time at the bhel stall. She was my hero those days. And, I was her elder sometimes younger.. I think most times elder sibling in situtations where she needed me as her sibling. ( Some people still believed in blood ties more than friendships back then)

We used to talk about a range of things and people. One particular day, it was post- the gruelling session and we were in no rush to rush home. So, we were standing there eating the blessed bhel. I was facing the road and looking at Varya as well; the road which was there in the backdrop. Like a mad dog or you can say a mad human too, I had rushed to the exact middle of the crooked turning and bent down and picked the pup. I had come back to a red faced or rather white as a sheet varya. She had slapped me figuratively. She had said, " Was it worth your life?" I hadn't seen the speeding truck back then.. I aint no hero material. Just visually impaired .. right from the start.. :) I can only see what I want to see..I had honestly told her that I had done it because it was an innocent animal.. Trust me, wouldn't have done it for a human beast.. Now I realise I was maybe wrong when I said that..

I went back to the bhel wala after a long time. Years actually. We all went places..there wasn't any chance to stand there and eat that bhel again. So today thought of treating myself to the bhel, for the old times sake. Varya isn't here in India and I did not want to stand at the stall alone..I got it packed and despite nausea finished it in plain 3-4 mintues..

Looking like a reindeer

Someone’s told me that I am looking like a reindeer today. I have lost the count of office tissues I have wasted on my free-flowing nose. I made the dear colleagues accompany me to Spinach (mart next door) in the lunch break. I was not in a mood to have the sabji roti today. It’s funny how my taste buds behave when I am feeling sick. I first felt like having an ice-cream.. Then before I could decide, I heard myself telling them that I longed for a chocolate. Then a pastry featured in the confusion for some time.

I am relishing a Milk Treat right now. So, if you are a little brand aware or if you have a kid or if you feel like a kid yourself sometimes, you would know who won the war of Ice-cream, chocolate and pastry..

Life is nothing but a loop

Life is nothing but a loop. It keeps playing the same sort of experiences in a row. It’s maddening. It’s so predictable. And, I can see it coming my way before it launches itself on me.. Life!

Remarkable it is the way history repeats itself. ..flawlessly. Today my belief in the ‘Everything that happens once may never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen the third time.’ has strengthened. It is true.

What do you do when knowledge overwhelms you? What do you do when it is so clear that it pricks your eye?

I failed at Math again

That is how I feel today.. as if I am forced to take the Math paper again. And, the result is already out. I can never succeed at Math. Thanks to my inaptitude. I am horrendous at calculations.

Icing on the cake, cheery on the ice-cream and a window seat in our Mumbai local train (fast)..I am feeling feverish. When my mind ignores the ditch in the road my body notices it and reacts.

Rest, nothing much to word about.. Someone said I look like a women rights activist today. Thanks to my cotton salwar-suit. Yesterday a friend said I looked hot!! My brows rose as high as they could. Hot and me, don’t go too well. Not on a mundane office day at least. Just a day before that someone said I looked cool. People are people. :)

Daily horoscope for Capricorn

"You are standing at the leading edge of a new phase in your life as confident Jupiter enters your sign today for a yearlong visit. A fresh wave of optimism is heading your way, so get ready for the big changes ahead. There's no need to make any sudden moves. Conserving your energy will assure that you'll have what it takes when you need it."

-By Rick Levine

I feel like that almost every day..as if I am standing on the edge of the day gone.. Everyday is a new story for me. Planetary sojourns don’t much define my plans.. I pack my backpack and set on a journey everyday. Who cares where I reach.. I don’t.. What matters is that there’s a whole new world out there.. just for me to discover..

Okay.. okay.. enough of this self-counseling. Its time to move to the next topic now. Recently I saw a fellow blogger dedicating a post to the enchanting song ‘November Rain’. I want the song to come on my blog too. I am feeling like that envious kid now.. I so love the verse and the voice is razor sharp. It cuts through my heart. So, my plan for this post is that I post the lines I like the best from the song.. November rain. Chances are that I end up putting the whole song here:)


1.When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained

2. And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain
We've been through this such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain

3. An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today

4.If we could take the time to lay it on the line

5.Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain

6.Don't you know you need some time...all alone

7.I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you

8.Everybody needs some time...on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone

9.And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain, ohhh yeahhh
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain


10.Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one

--jui

_______________________________________________________

jui स्वःताचा शोध घेणं ही एक निरंतर प्रक्रिया आहे

no.. no one said this to me .. i came across this line on some orkut community.. it was said by some one to some other jui.. but, I would like to keep this thought with me, for me..

I have realized that

I have realized that-
1.I am an emotional fool
2.The candle burns the brightest before going off.. and sometimes we confuse it with a ray of hope, this actually is the moment before the death for the candle. Also, you really need to be lucky to experience this dying light..
3. There are people who think. There are people who think with their head and there are others who let their heart do the thinking.. and, this category of people are a threat to themselves.
4. All the years of believing that I can see through most people.. lately I have come to realize people are opaque..and I am color blind.
5. Life saves me most times when I think it’s being unfair to me.
6. my eyes betray me big time.
7. I care..
8. I cannot put my thoughts in spoken words..
9. God has blessed me with a lot of people who love me unconditionally .. these people come in all sizes. They accept me despite all my eccentricities.
10. everything happens for a reason.

On my igoogle page they show my day’s forecast.. In today’s forecast this line caught my eye- “Whatever you eliminate as of today adds to the potential of increased freedom down the road.”

In today’s Times of India, while coming to work Baba showed this cartoon to me.. I liked it..

Detachment doesn’t come easy.

The speeding vehicle scares me even today.. not for myself..But, for the friend I lost to one such vehicle. This is the first time I am honestly accepting it in written word. I know putting it in words is maybe not gonna help at all..

It’s really strange how your mind subconsciously clings on to some events in your life. On one plane you think it is past you.. Yet, it is very much there in the subconscious. Detachment doesn’t come easy. It is deep inside you. It becomes a part of your identity, it becomes your reflex action… to be wary of every speeding vehicle. ..not for yourself ..but for the friend you lost.

The Roller Coaster Ride

Imagine if you were to ride a roller coaster.. alone..What will scare you the most? The fact that you are alone…or the speed..at which the ride rides..? I sometimes feel I am alone on some roller Coaster ride.. and I am confused about what scares me more.. I think both the things do.. One moment the aloneness looms larger over me..other times both the factors make me feel .. I am confused.. It’s a multitude of things actually.

And surprisingly amidst this chaos there are moments of peace..but, these are only moments. My mind goes back to analyzing the ride, the speed and the loneliness.

"Love looks not with eyes, but with the mind."

Shakespeare said that..:):)

Who puts the thought there?

Nightmares are crazy .. amazingly creative in terms of images.. So much of meaning..scary .. yet the ugliness is beautifully executed.. Who puts the thought there?

Feeling Dark Blue